mom, great news, i’m pregnant…. with sadness and eternal failure

jennytwicedead:

geometricdeathtrap:

metallikato:

generallegendary:

metallikato:

jewelstaites:

how to give a good handjob

• bop it
• pull it
• twist it

• harder
• better
• faster
• stronger 

You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!

Cha cha real smooth

none of you ever touch a penis

• pop it
• lock it
• polka-dot it

astudyinspock:

WHY DON’T PEOPLE CARE ABOUT NASA AND SPACE IT IS SOMETHING I LITERALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND BECAUSE SPACE IS SO INCREDIBLE AND JUST ABSOLUTELY ASTOUNDING AND NASA IS JUST THIS MASSIVE POWERHOUSE OF SCIENCE AND IT ACTUALLY PUTS PEOPLE IN SPACE WHAT ABOUT THAT IS NOT AMAZING TO PEOPLE AND WHY DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK THAT NASA NEEDS TO STOP DOING THIS AWESOME STUFF SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN IT TO ME BECAUSE I GENUINELY DON’T GET IT

supermassiveasshole:

when i was like 12 i used to hate one really bitchy and annoying girl from our class so i sent her a text “you will die in 7 days” during a class and she burst into tears and her mum went to police and i was so scared so i flushed my phone down the toilet

kushdrinker:

i need to do a sex

whores:

what does it feel like being attractive? just wondering

ALL STAR BY SMASH MOUTH // 8-BIT

internetexplorers:

constantly wanting to rebel but not wanting to get into trouble

i have three fundamental emotions

• haha
• horny
• sigh